The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
