So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
