I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
