I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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