i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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