Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
