We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
