Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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