he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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