I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
