you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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