Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
