My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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