i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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