Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
