I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
