I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
vagina is talking i cant
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
