i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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