dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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