Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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