so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
