Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
