Pappa wants mamma naked
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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