Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
