So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
