I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
