You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
