What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
