Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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