your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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