I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
