i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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