somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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