i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
