Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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