someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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