I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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