New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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