It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
