hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
