oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I had your ass I would rule the world
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
