new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
