he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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