I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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