he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
