so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
