sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
