bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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