I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
