Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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