Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
