just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
