i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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