remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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